Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? Do you process what’s happening around you very deeply? In this interview I talk to Jim Hallowes from www.HighlySensitivePeople.com about high sensitivity, and how it differs from introversion, and the challenges and perks of being an HSP.

What is a Highly Sensitive Person, and how does an HSP differ from an introvert?
Highly Sensitive People make up 15-20% of the population. They have a finer tuned nervous system and have a heightened awareness of, and process and reflect upon, incoming information and subtleties in their environment more deeply than Non-HSPs. And because of this they can become overwhelmed and may need alone time. Not all HSPs are introverts, in fact 15-20% of HSPs are considered extroverts, or “High Sensation Seeking HSPs”! However they still need the alone time and can also become overwhelmed and crash and burn, and they have many of the same basic characteristics of the trait of high sensitivity.

Actually, I think at least to some degree all HSPs are introverts, even the ones who exhibit out-going, or more extrovert, characteristics.

What are some perks of being a Highly Sensitive Person?
A very deep appreciation of art, nature and music. Often vivid dreams. Being very creative. In fact one of my favorite quotes that I have on the HighlySensitivePeople.com website and a lot of people say they relate to it is from Pearl S. Buck, (1892-1973), recipient of the Pulitzer Prize and of the Nobel Prize in Literature, who said about highly sensitive, creative people:

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.

To him… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, 
and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create —— so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.” —Pearl S. Buck

What is a toxic person, and what can a Highly Sensitive Person do when they are around a toxic person?
Toxic people come in all forms, shapes and sizes, they are people who cause you pain, can bring you down, and suck up all your energy. I suggest RUN! “Get Away From Them” ASAP! One of my favorite line is “Don’t Spend Major time with Minor People.” So, even if these “toxic” people are family members, relative, or co-workers do your best to limit the time around them.

What challenges might an HSP have at work, and how can he or she overcome that challenge?
Not feeling “in control” which is so important to HSPs. Many HSPs also find it hard to find a company that’s “perfect” enough for them, or ethical enough, or does things the way the HSP thinks they ought to be done. The reality is that people and companies, more often than not, aren’t going to do it your way, or how you think something should be done. And if they are the boss, it makes it tough for an HSP to work there.

A good rule of thumb when it comes to work or a job is:

Accept, or reject, don’t tolerate.

Find work or a job that you find purposeful and that you enjoy and set healthy boundaries, stay positive, look or the good and realize people and companies aren’t going to do it “your way,” until it’s your company! If you find yourself in a toxic and unacceptable environment for your HSP temperament, find a place, and/or a boss, that’s more suited to your gifts and your finer tuned HSP nervous system.

What can a boss or manager do to make their work more HSP-friendly?
Understand the trait of high sensitivity and understand that HSPs usually work best when not stood over, over supervised or micro managed. I suggest to employers to give their HSP employee (who’s bright, creative, hard working, hates to make mistakes and may be a bit of a perfectionist) to give the assignment or project (It seems HSPs love “projects,” give the HSP the parameters of the project, the timetable, and the expectations… and then leave the HSP alone and they’ll probably deliver something that you’ll be very happy with! Unfortunately many Non-HSP bosses find it quite inconvenient to accept that there are different temperaments!

What advice do you have for a non-HSP introvert who is in a romantic relationship with a highly sensitive person?
Not to take things too personally, example: an HSP may have had enough of a movie before it’s over and may leave the room, it’s nothing you did, don’t grill or question “Why?” Just accept that the HSP you are in a relationship with may need more alone time, may take things very personally, and may get overwhelmed, and as I’ve been know to say:

If an HSP can take something as negative, a slight or an insult… unfortunately they will. Many HSP coaching clients I work with have had childhood trauma, and weren’t raised in the most supportive or functional families. So be kind, and practice patience, and love. Don’t “Take the Bait” and get into a fight. Learn what works to help your HSP partner feel better. Read up on the trait and understand the temperament of an HSP is not like yours! In my lectures I talk about applying the Platinum Rule and not the more well known Golden Rule. In other words instead of “Doing to others as you’d want to be done unto.”… instead I suggest: “Do unto HSPs as they would want to be done unto.”

What made you interested in helping highly sensitive people?
I was dating and then married an HSP, in fact I’d say in the dictionary next to the words Highly Sensitive Person there ought to be a picture of her! I attended a lecture and met Dr. Elaine Aron and made it a life’s mission to get the word out about the trait of high sensitivity and I am always so thrilled to hear about all the people I’ve helped with the website, may lectures, HSP Meetups, and my Coaching practice.

If you had just one piece of advice for a Highly Sensitive Person, what would it be?
Give the Non-HSPs in your life the benefit of the doubt, because probably 9 out of 10 times they’re intention was probably not to cause you pain or hurt your feelings. Actually, I suggest setting the bar pretty high before getting into an argument: Unless you can call a doctor, a lawyer or a Policeman, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal anyway, and do your best to let it go.

Where can someone go to get more information about being a Highly Sensitive Person?
I invite you to visit www.HighlySensitivePeople.com to learn more. I also invite Introvertology’s website visitors to send me an email with a question, or better yet, take me up on my offer of a free “Discovery” Coaching Session! Jim@HighlySensitivePeople.com or call me: 310-753-9381. On the website there is a “Internet Links” page with a whole list of helpful resources and websites.